Couples and Personality Type
When you understand personality preferences, you can more readily appreciate differences between you and people closest to you in your life such as partners, children, and friends. In most areas of life, when differences between yourself and another person bother you too much, you can avoid the other person in some way. But when that person is a family member or close friend, you have a lot of lose by walking away.

Knowledge of MBTI® type allows you to see those differences as just those—different ways of seeing things. Instead of labeling a person and putting value judgments on his or her behavior, you can learn to see your partner’s behavior as reflecting personality type, not something designed to offend you. Many couples even learn to see the differences in a humorous light.

Religious organizations, as well as independent counselors, often use the MBTI instrument for pre-marital counseling. This allows a new couple to identify areas of difference that may cause conflict. The respect created by this awareness can go a long way in weathering married life.

In marital counseling, the use of type can create a neutral ground, a nonjudgmental language for discussing misunderstandings and irritations. Change in a relationship can begin when there is respect for the qualities of each partner. Even when a relationship is ending in divorce, understanding the influence of type can lead to a much more amicable process and better understanding of what happened.

A knowledge of type preferences can also help couples and families negotiate differences in approaches to lifestyle, intimacy and affection, division of chores, managing money, and other areas of potentialconflict.

Using Personality Type in Families
Family lifestyle requires the harmonious melding of all members of the family. Understanding of MBTI® type can lead the way. When family members understand type, they are less likely to assume they are “right” and others are “wrong.” This is true across many issues including management of time, schoolwork, decision making, family recreational activities and vacations, or rules of the household.

For example, parents sometimes assume that a child who does not meet commitments is showing poor character; type can help frame the difference as one of how different types approach management of time. A parent who worries about her “anti-social” child can use type to see this need for solitude as simply Introversion after a school day that requires a lot of Extraversion.

When parents themselves differ in parenting styles, including discipline and sibling conflict, knowledge of type can show them how to compromise on a style that respects the preferences of each parent—and the type of each child. Knowing the preferences of children may also be of assistance in dealing with school issues and what may appear to be “problem” teachers. Further investigation may reveal radically different learning and teaching styles that may solved when both parties recognize the differences in type preferences.

Type can be especially important in blended families where the type mix in each former family must be blended in a way that respects the preferences of all members of the new family.

Resources

16 Ways to Love Your Lover: Understanding the 16 Personality Types So You Can Create a Love That Lasts Forever by Otto Kroeger and Janet M. Theusen (Dell 1994)

Families: Using Type to Enhance Mutual Understanding by Charles W. Ginn (CAPT 1995)

Gifts Differing by Isabel Myers (Davies-Black 1980)

I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You by Roger R. Pearman and Sarah C. Albriton (Davies-Black 1997)

Intimacy and Type by Jane Hardy Jones and Ruth G. Sherman (CAPT 1997)

Just Your Type: Create the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted Using the Secrets of Personality Type by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger(Little, Brown & Co. 2000)

The M.O.M.S Handbook: Understanding Your Personality Type in Mothering by Janet P. Penley and Diane W. Stephens Penly & Associates 1995)

Was That Really Me? How Everyday Stress Brings Out Our Hidden Personality by Naomi L. Quenk (Davies-Black 2003)

Wired for Conflict: The Role of Personality in Resolving Differences by Sondra S. VanSant (CAPT 2003)